CCELL-ebrating Monopoly: How One Vape Giant is High on Market Domination
Sector: Vape Hardware / Monopolistic Pipe Dreams
Ticker (Unofficial): SMR-DCK
Boof Index Score: 9.7/10 for Market Chokehold, 10/10 for Anti-Competition Boner
Analyst Briefing – Boofonomics Edition
Published by Boof du Jour Financial Division: “Weedonomics Without Vaseline”
In a bold display of capitalistic cosplay, Shenzhen Smoore Technology—the shadowy vape hardware juggernaut behind CCELL—is reportedly treating the cannabis vaporizer market like its own personal game of Monopoly, minus the community chest and with about 300% more price-gouging.
According to a class-action lawsuit filed by people with actual fucking eyes, ears, and receipts, Smoore is being accused of executing an illegal monopoly in the vape hardware sector—allegedly by cornering every major supply channel, locking up exclusive deals, and inflating prices like a post-boof ego trip.
Let’s break it down for the investors still pretending they don’t know their cartridges are made by the same dudes who also supply hoverboards and bootleg AirPods.
Executive Quote That Definitely Didn’t Happen But Probably Could Have
“We believe in empowering consumers to experience freedom—unless that freedom includes using hardware we don’t sell.”
— Zhang Juanzhou, imaginary Smoore VP of Market Control and Vape Extortion
Boofonomics Report Card
Price Manipulation:
✔ Retailers report being forced to buy CCELL carts at inflated margins, while competitors get shanked in back alleys of supply chain agreements. Wholesale pricing rises faster than a middle manager’s ego on LinkedIn.
Brand Strategy:
✔ Corner the market, then gaslight everyone into believing it’s “premium quality.” If the cart leaks? That’s innovation, baby.
Competition:
✔ Eliminated via classic Chinese whispers and North American supply control. If a domestic brand tries to enter the market? Smoore “politely” reminds them who manufactures their motherboards.
Consumer Benefit:
None. Your $68 half-gram still tastes like burnt popcorn and despair.
Investor Sentiment (Based on Vibes and Fear)
Boof du Jour analysts have rated CCELL’s market behavior somewhere between “Textbook Monopolist” and “China’s Nicotine-Stained Wet Dream.” VCs remain thrilled—because fuck ethics, that’s why.
The same guys who pumped Juul into the ground are now lighting cigars with cease-and-desist letters from competitors who dared to source from anywhere else.
Projected Q2 Strategy
Raise wholesale prices 14%, blame “global aluminum turbulence.”
Continue lobbying regulators by pretending they don’t exist.
Partner with three MSOs to launch “terpene-forward disposables” made entirely of fiberglass and colon cancer.
File another trademark for the word “vape” just to be petty.
Closing Market Note
If you're still wondering why your dispo sells only CCELL carts, and your staff can’t remember the last time another brand came through without a cease and desist up its ass—it’s not a conspiracy. It’s just capitalism’s methhead cousin, running a hardware monopoly like it’s a street corner in 1987.
Rating: Hold (your wallet and your ethics)
Suggested Action: Buy local, unless your kink is supporting cartels who wear suits.
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