High Times Intellectual Property Up for Sale, Opening Bids Start at “Whatever You Got on You”
By the Boof du Jour Investigative Team
LOS ANGELES — After decades spent riding the cultural coattails of a plant they never actually touched, High Times — the once-iconic cannabis magazine turned corporate rehab patient — has officially put its intellectual property up for sale.
The starting bid?
“Whatever you got on you.”
That’s not a joke — it’s a direct quote from a leaked pitch deck sent to “select investors,” including a vape cart manufacturer operating out of a storage unit in Bakersfield and a guy named Gutter Steve who once tried to trademark the term “weedles.”
The move comes as High Times Holding Corp spirals deeper into financial oblivion, currently juggling more lawsuits than a cartel accountant and with all the liquidity of a rosin jar left open at Coachella. The company’s debt sheet, reviewed by Boof du Jour, includes unpaid invoices for everything from printing costs to influencer appearances, including a $2,000 outstanding balance to a man who was paid in “exposure” to do dab tricks on Instagram Live.
A Nostalgic Flameout in Slow Motion
High Times — once the rebellious voice of stoner subculture, back when weed was illegal and interesting — has spent the last ten years transforming into the Planet Fitness of cannabis media, selling stale content, fake awards, and t-shirts with fonts only boomers recognize.
“They’ve been on life support since Obama left office,” said one former employee who was laid off via a group text message. “It’s like watching a bong get passed around at a party long after it’s been cashed — nobody wants to admit it’s over.”
An internal financial summary, titled “Strategic Pivot: From Iconic to iCame,” shows the company banking on “brand nostalgia, legacy licensing, and content repackaging” to lure in buyers, despite the fact that their digital traffic now ranks somewhere between 420Chan and your cousin’s grow blog.
They’ve already offloaded international rights to several “partners” in countries where cannabis is still punishable by death. The brand now licenses its name to a dispensary chain in Michigan that hasn’t paid rent in six months and reportedly stores product in a walk-in freezer next to expired crab cakes.
Cannabis Cup or Cash Grab?
Perhaps the most tragically hilarious asset on the auction block is the High Times Cannabis Cup, a once-prestigious competition that’s become the Chuck E. Cheese of cannabis events. The brand now offers “People’s Choice” awards where the average judge is a 19-year-old with a fake ID and a taste for anything over 30% THC, regardless of whether it tastes like gasoline or gorilla sweat.
“The bar is literally: can you read and inhale,” said one former Cup judge, who confessed that he once won first place in a category he didn’t enter. “I think they mixed up the sample numbers or just didn’t care. Either way, I still got a trophy.”
The Cup’s “judging kits” — previously given to industry pros and actual cultivators — are now sold through third-party delivery apps and come with printed scorecards, expired gummies, and a sticker that says “Verified Judge.” One recent kit contained a strain called “Gary Satan’s Breath #2” which tested at 47% THC and no known terpene profile.
High Times’ most recent press release claims they’re “elevating the culture by democratizing excellence.” In reality, they’re democratizing the clearance rack at a head shop.
From IPO to IOU
Let’s not forget the spectacular disaster that was the High Times IPO — a multi-year orgy of missed deadlines, SEC filings with the accuracy of a stoned resume, and one pitch deck that included a meme of Snoop Dogg next to revenue projections. The Reg A+ offering was pitched to “main street investors,” aka unsuspecting stoners who thought they were buying a slice of weed history, only to be left with equity in a money pit run by a rotating cast of aging finance bros who never touched a joint unless it was at a fundraiser.
Boof du Jour obtained emails from several early investors, including one that simply reads:
“Is this a Ponzi scheme or just poorly managed?”
The reply:
“Why not both?”
Even their own leadership appears to have jumped ship. A former High Times exec, now promoting a “hemp-based crypto wellness DAO,” told us: “We knew we were fucked when we couldn’t even afford to print the magazine, so we just started selling hoodies and hoping no one noticed.”
The Great Intellectual Property Fire Sale
So what’s actually up for grabs? Here’s a partial list from the Boof du Jour Exclusive™ auction preview:
The High Times Logo — Once iconic, now mostly seen on $12 grinders at strip mall smoke shops.
Archive of Back Issues — 90% full of ads for hydroponic nutrients, dick pills, and “legal bud.”
Cannabis Cup Trophy Molds — Includes a melted one from 2020 when someone left it on a dab rig.
Mailing List — Roughly 420,000 names, half of whom are dead, in jail, or spam filters.
IP rights to “420” memes they didn’t create but tried to trademark anyway.
High Times Radio, High Times TV, High Times Pizza (not kidding).
When asked if there was any interest from serious buyers, a representative for the firm managing the sale replied: “We got an offer from the guy who runs the Dab Bus in Reno and one from a vape brand that only sells in gas stations. That’s it so far.”
Goodbye to the Brand That Outlived Its Purpose
In the end, High Times didn’t get high and stay high — they got high and sold the pipe. What was once the rebellious voice of a criminalized culture is now a flailing licensing scheme barely held together with expired domain names and memories of Cheech & Chong covers.
They didn’t lose the culture.
They auctioned it off in quarter-grams with a free sticker and a coupon for a smoke shop loyalty program.
So if you’ve got $20, a burner email, and a dream of owning a piece of weed history — congratulations. High Times is taking offers.
And if you don’t?
Don’t worry. You’ll still be able to find their legacy at your local Ross Dress for Less, right between the “420 Nurse” tank tops and the last remaining shreds of credibility.
Boof du Jour will continue covering the slow, public disintegration of weed’s most embarrassing relic — assuming we don’t accidentally buy it in a liquidation bundle.
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