How to Drive Away a Non-Stoner Partner Without Saying a Word

Because your passive-aggressive ass can’t just dump them

By Boof du Jour Staff
Smoked out and spiritually petty

So you accidentally started dating someone who “doesn’t do weed.”

And by doesn’t do weed they mean they roll their eyes when you spark up, ask if you're “high again” every 14 minutes, and compare your edibles to their multivitamins.

Don't worry. We got you. Here's your step-by-step guide to reverse-gaslighting them into oblivion — without ever having to say, “I think you should leave.”

1. Only Communicate in Dab Rips

“Speak exclusively after exhaling. Make every answer sound like a Snoop Dogg lyric choked through a volcano.”
Bonus points if you hold your hit so long they think you passed out.

2. Convert the Living Room Into a Grow Tent

“Replace all houseplants with clones. Hang an oscillating fan in the dining room. Tell them the LED light is for ‘mood.’”
Let the hum of photosynthesis ruin their sleep.

3. Label Their Tupperware “Mids”

“Every lunch they bring to work? Now officially branded as ‘low-grade, weak-sauce leftovers.’”
“Babe, your chicken’s got no terps.”

4. Use Their Favorite Mug as Your Bong Water Dump Cup

“And never rinse it. Let the scent of regret and old resin do the talking.”

5. Turn Every Serious Conversation Into a Strain Review

“Them: ‘I just feel like we’ve been drifting apart lately.’
You: ‘Tight. That’s how this Limoncello 10 hits — super distant, cerebral, but still kinda harsh.’”

6. Invite Over Every Friend They Hate — And Let Them Hotbox the Bathroom

“Nothing ends a romance faster than waking up to your ex’s SoundCloud homies coughing in the shower.”
“Damn bro, your girl got VO5 shampoo??”

7. Casually Mention You're Starting a Weed Podcast

“This is the nuclear option. If they don’t flee the relationship the moment you say ‘we’re calling it High Expectations,’ they might actually love you. But probably not.”

🚬 Final Hit:

“You could break up with them like a normal adult. But where’s the fun in that?”
If they can’t handle the chronic, let ‘em choke on the exit.

Boof du Jour is a satire website. All content, including articles, images, and social media posts, is intended for entertainment and comedic purposes only. Any resemblance to real people, events, or situations is purely coincidental.

No Legal or Factual Claims

The content on Boof du Jour is fictional and should not be interpreted as factual reporting, news, or legitimate advice. We are not responsible for any misinterpretation or misuse of our content.

Viewer Discretion Advised

Some material may include humor, parody, or satire that is not suitable for all audiences. If you find satire offensive, we kindly suggest navigating elsewhere.

Intellectual Property & Fair Use

All content on this site is protected under copyright law and may not be reproduced without permission. Any third-party names, trademarks, or references are used under fair use for satirical purposes and do not imply endorsement or affiliation.

Limitation of Liability

Boof du Jour, its owners, contributors, and affiliates assume no liability for any actions taken in response to our content. This site is strictly for entertainment, and no statements should be considered as professional, legal, or factual advice.

By using this website, you acknowledge and agree to this disclaimer. If you do not agree, please discontinue use of the site.

📩 For inquiries or complaints, contact: boofdujour@wedontgiveafuck.com