Delta Extraction Quietly Builds Underground Tunnel After License Revocation, Streamlining Cannabis Supply Chain
Only these idiots would wear suits while breaking the law. Photo credit: Allen Iverson
Delta Extraction Quietly Builds Underground Tunnel After License Revocation, Streamlining Cannabis Supply Chain
"If compliance won’t let it cross the border, we’ll just go under it."
March 8, 2025 - Following the Missouri Administrative Hearing Commission’s decision to uphold the revocation of their license, Delta Extraction has reportedly pivoted to their next logical business venture: construction. Leveraging their newly acquired construction license, Delta has allegedly embarked on a massive subterranean infrastructure project, allowing cannabis products to "bypass unnecessary regulatory barriers" (also known as laws) "They took our license, so we took a shovel," said one anonymous Delta employee, lighting a joint inside what appeared to be a freshly dug passageway. "If we can't extract, we'll excavate.” Regulators are now scrambling to understand how a company that lost its cannabis license somehow gained clearance to break ground on Missouri’s newest underground economy. The Delta Extraction Expressway: “Just Ignore the Dirt Piles”
According to industry insiders who mysteriously stopped responding after this interview, Delta Extraction has "revolutionized" cannabis logistics with its new Direct-to-Dispensary (D2D) supply chain strategy, which has already begun moving product at record speeds—and by record speeds, we mean undetectable levels of transparency.
No More Manifest Delays – "If the manifest never says it left the state, did it?"
Kansas Can’t Seize What They Can’t See – Authorities remain confused about why dispensary shelves are full, despite no recorded shipments.
Lower COGS, Higher Margins – "It’s cheaper when you don’t have to explain where it came from."
"Before, we had to deal with product holds, compliance headaches, and inventory tracking," said one Delta rep, wiping fresh clay off his boots. "Now, we just send it straight through the tunnel and let the dispensary sort out the paperwork."
When asked directly whether a tunnel exists, Delta’s legal team responded with: “Define ‘exists.’”
Regulatory Response: "We’re Looking Into It" (No, They’re Not)
Missouri officials claim they are "aware" of the allegations but declined to comment further, citing an ongoing investigation and the fact that they honestly don’t know where to start digging. Missouri Department of Health & Senior Services issued the following statement:
“We take all compliance matters seriously.” (Translation: We’re just as shocked as you are. Kansas Highway Patrol remains on high alert but has yet to locate any suspicious activity (despite multiple officers mysteriously emerging from the wrong side of town covered in mud). Meanwhile, Illinois regulators issued a statement reading: “If we had known tunnels were an option, we would’ve done this first."
At press time, one Missouri compliance officer was spotted staring at a Google Earth image of a rapidly growing sinkhole outside Delta’s warehouse, muttering "Jesus Christ."
Industry Reaction: “Honestly, This Is Genius”
While some cannabis operators condemned the move, others are reportedly jealous they didn’t think of it first.
Cresco Labs has allegedly reached out to construction firms for "logistics consultations."
Curaleaf was seen ordering heavy machinery but refused to comment.
Trulieve insists their products “only take normal, overground routes” while deleting their search history.
“We’d never engage in this type of activity,” said one MSO spokesperson, “but hypothetically, how much does it cost to dig one of these?”
What’s Next?
With their license revoked, Delta Extraction has nothing to lose and a tunnel to expand. If state regulators fail to intervene, sources predict several major upgrades to Delta’s underground operation:
Submarine Logistics Across the Mississippi – “Why stop at tunnels when we can go full narco?”
Cannabis Drone Drops for Quick Interstate Transfers – “Think Amazon Prime, but illegal.”
Missouri-Illinois Bullet Train – “Imagine Amtrak, but with a 100% chance of getting you high.”
At press time, Delta Extraction employees were seen wearing headlamps and “Totally Not a Tunnel” branded hard hats, while Missouri regulators stood confused outside a random cornfield, wondering why the ground smelled like terpenes.
Boof du Jour is a satire website. All content, including articles, images, and social media posts, is intended for entertainment and comedic purposes only. Any resemblance to real people, events, or situations is purely coincidental.
No Legal or Factual Claims
The content on Boof du Jour is fictional and should not be interpreted as factual reporting, news, or legitimate advice. We are not responsible for any misinterpretation or misuse of our content.
Viewer Discretion Advised
Some material may include humor, parody, or satire that is not suitable for all audiences. If you find satire offensive, we kindly suggest navigating elsewhere.
Intellectual Property & Fair Use
All content on this site is protected under copyright law and may not be reproduced without permission. Any third-party names, trademarks, or references are used under fair use for satirical purposes and do not imply endorsement or affiliation.
Limitation of Liability
Boof du Jour, its owners, contributors, and affiliates assume no liability for any actions taken in response to our content. This site is strictly for entertainment, and no statements should be considered as professional, legal, or factual advice.
By using this website, you acknowledge and agree to this disclaimer. If you do not agree, please discontinue use of the site.
📩 For inquiries or complaints, contact: boofdujour@wedontgiveafuck.com