Mike Tyson Bites Off Customer’s Lip After Complaints That Tyson 2.0 Edible Ears Are “Weak AF”
Serisssourlly broo…don’t fuck with Mike. Photo credit: Tyson’s dumbass P.R. team that thought staging this picture was a good idea.
“Fuck Ears, I’m Taking Lips in 2025,” Tyson Declares*
LAS VEGAS — Former heavyweight champion and cannabis mogul Mike Tyson made headlines this weekend after allegedly biting off the lip of a dissatisfied customer who claimed that Tyson 2.0’s signature Mike Bites edible ears “didn’t do anything.”
According to eyewitnesses, 32-year-old Logan Peters approached Tyson at a meet-and-greet event at a Las Vegas dispensary, chewing furiously as he criticized the product’s potency. “I ate three of these things, man, and I barely feel a buzz,” Peters reportedly said while laughing. “Honestly, they’re kinda weak.”
Before Peters could finish his sentence, Tyson lunged forward with the reflexes of a prime 1988 Iron Mike and latched onto his top lip, detaching a sizable chunk before spitting it onto the ground.
A stunned crowd gasped as Tyson, wiping his mouth, turned to the audience and delivered a chilling proclamation:
“Fuck ears. I’m taking lips in 2025.”**
Tyson Doubles Down on New Business Strategy
Within hours of the incident, Tyson 2.0 executives scrambled to do damage control, but the former champ showed no signs of remorse. In fact, he announced a brand expansion, teasing a new line of edibles called “Mike Bites: Lips Edition” — a more potent gummy infused with a hybrid strain of rage, nostalgia, and an aggressive 30mg dose of THC.
“I been eating ears for 26 years,” Tyson told reporters while munching on an actual Mike Bite. “It’s time to evolve. The lip is the new frontier. These people need to respect my edibles, or they gonna be leaving my events with less face.”
The victim, now known as “No-Lip Logan”, has yet to press charges, as he was reportedly “too high” to be upset after the THC finally kicked in.
In a statement posted to social media, Tyson added:
“I don’t wanna hurt nobody. I just wanna make sure people understand that Mike Bites do what they say they do. And if you don’t feel it… maybe your tolerance is just too high. Or your lips are just too close to my face.”
While some fans called for Tyson to be banned from public events, others supported the move. Twitter user @ChronicChampion wrote: “Bro’s just enforcing quality control the old-school way. Respect.”
Tyson 2.0 has since announced a new, more potent formula for Mike Bites, ensuring that customers “feel the punch” before Tyson has to personally intervene.
As for Peters, sources say he was last seen buying another pack of Mike Bites and whispering, “Honestly, worth it.”
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