THC Seltzer Hype Exposed: Thousands of iPhones Found in Cartel-Run LinkedIn Pharming Operation
A glimpse into the scale of the massive Linkedin pharming operation. Photo Credit: Some random dude standing in the cartels pharming operation.
For months, you couldn’t scroll through LinkedIn without seeing them: a never-ending flood of posts claiming that low-dose THC seltzers were the future of cannabis.
“Microdosing is the next big thing!”
“Low-dose THC drinks will replace alcohol by 2025!”
“The data shows consumers prefer 2.5mg over a joint—disrupting the industry as we know it!”
Every single one written in the same overly confident, thought-leader-y tone, usually accompanied by a smug headshot and 100 suspiciously identical comments hyping them up.
Something felt… off.
And now, we know why.
Because after a months-long investigation, authorities have uncovered the shocking truth behind the THC seltzer craze: it was never real.
It was an elaborate cartel-backed LinkedIn psyop, powered by thousands of iPhones in a warehouse in Mexico, all endlessly posting fake engagement to trick America into thinking THC seltzers were actually popular.
THE DISCOVERY: A BOT FARM LIKE NO OTHER
The bust happened last week in Guadalajara, Mexico, where a routine investigation into cartel money laundering led authorities to an abandoned Coca-Cola bottling facility.
But instead of a drug lab or cash-counting room, what they found was far more bizarre.
A massive warehouse, filled wall to wall with iPhones—thousands of them—all mounted on racks, plugged into power banks, and running automated LinkedIn accounts at an industrial scale.
THE ENTIRE OPERATION WAS DEDICATED TO HYPING UP LOW-DOSE THC SELTZERS.
Investigators watched in real-time as the phones:
Liked and reshared pro-THC seltzer posts from fake executives.
Left comments like “I always knew this would take over!” and “The data proves consumers love microdosing!”
Engaged with real cannabis investors, making them believe seltzers were the next big thing.
Generated fake Amazon reviews praising THC drinks for being “just the right amount of buzz” (despite nobody actually buying them).
The entire THC seltzer hype train—every viral post, every LinkedIn flex, every breathless comment about how “people don’t want to get high, they want to elevate”—was nothing but cartel-funded digital noise.
And it worked.
THE CARTEL’S MASTER PLAN: DESTROYING THE LEGAL MARKET FROM WITHIN
So why would the cartel go through all this trouble?
Simple.
Legal weed was cutting into their profits.
For decades, the cartels controlled everything—the supply chains, the pricing, the black market. But as legal dispensaries started offering regulated, high-THC products, fewer Americans were texting their plug at 11:47 PM asking if they were still up.
The cartel needed a way to make legal weed completely unappealing.
So they devised a brilliant, long-term strategy:
Convince America that THC seltzers were the future (via fake LinkedIn hype).
Flood dispensary shelves with weak, overpriced cannabis drinks that barely get anyone high.
Slowly break the spirit of American consumers—forcing them to spend $72 just to catch a buzz.
Create demand for “stronger alternatives” (which, conveniently, are still only available on the black market).
This wasn’t about selling drinks. This was about psychological warfare.
The goal was to make legal weed so expensive, so frustrating, and so underwhelming that Americans would have no choice but to return to the cartel.
And it was working.
HOW IT ALL UNRAVELED
The operation might have continued undetected for years, but it all came crashing down when one cartel employee got greedy.
Known only by his alias, @TokeCEO, he was a LinkedIn bot tasked with creating fake posts about THC beverages.
But he got cocky—posting so many identical takes about seltzers that real LinkedIn users started noticing the patterns.
"Wait, why do 90 different cannabis executives all have the exact same opinion about low-dose drinks?"
"Why does every comment thread look like it was written by the same person?"
"Why does this one guy claim he ‘saw it coming in 2017’ when THC drinks didn’t exist yet?"
LinkedIn moderators got suspicious.
They traced the activity back to an IP address in Mexico.
They tipped off authorities.
And just like that, the cartel’s most advanced digital psyop collapsed overnight.
WHAT NOW?
With the THC seltzer operation exposed, industry insiders are left wondering:
Will LinkedIn ever recover from being used as a cartel propaganda tool?
Will dispensary owners finally admit that nobody actually buys these drinks?
Will beverage execs pivot to “fast-acting nano-rosin mocktails” and pretend this never happened?
As for the thousands of THC seltzers still collecting dust on dispensary shelves?
Well, let’s just say they’re about to get a whole lot cheaper.
And if you still want to pay $12 for 2.5mg of THC, just know:
That drink was only hyped up because a guy in Mexico ran 300 iPhones at once to convince you it was cool.
Stay vigilant. Stay skeptical.
And for the love of God, stop drinking overpriced weed La Croix.
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